Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Poop Lady

You must be desperate if you are reading a post titled Poop Lady. I read a blog today that stated 100 Things I Never Expected to Learn about Blogging on the blog Single Guy Laughing. One of the suggestions he had was to write about something embarrassing. I thought about strange habits, quirks I have and quickly pushed them out of my mind. I was not sharing those things. Then an embarrassing moment came to me with the help of Cali.

She is just the cutest dog in the world (warning biased opinion). No fail on practically every school day, she takes a huge dump as a school bus full of kids drives by. Now everytime this happens, I experience an internal dialogue happens. I think about how eventhough I was a good and kind kid, I could not resist saying something mean that I was thought was funny about a woman picking-up poop.

I envision the kids on the bus saying things like, "That stinks", "Crappy Job" "Is that your Lunch?" "Holy Crap!" or other witty things.  If I was consistent enough, and the bus driver and I were insync, the same busload of kids could witness this and I might even be the lady they call the "poop lady."

Then I think my internal dialogue turns into a debat or an argument that I am having with the kids.
"At least I am picking it up. I could just leave it there for you to step in."
"Everyone poops." Not to be confused with REM's "Everybody Hurts."
"Wait until you are older, you will be doing the same thing."
Or just hurling the poop at the bus window. So, as for my embarrassing moment, that is it every school day.

To upgrade the embarrassment factor. There is what my partner calls the "fecal fiasco". This is when Cali is squatting and pooping, and there is a problem. Hanging from her butt is a turd that looks like it is suspended in air. It is not actually suspended in air, but there is something stringing usually hair or a blade of grass that is keeping it attached to her anus. Yes, very lovely. Poor Cali is stuck squatting there until it drops, and it won't without an intervention. This requires me to grab a leaf or use a poop bag to pull the poop, hair, and grass out. This is fun because dogs and my dog in particular does not like things or people by her butt. I think this is a practical quality. Doing this task is hard enough, and then I have cars and people going by witnessing this feat. I make sure it is not a busload of kids.

"Shit happens."

No comments:

Post a Comment